Iridescent
by MissSunsetOrange93
Summary: Post-Mockingjay and Pre-Epilogue. Katniss and Peeta pick up the broken pieces of their lives and put them back together. Together? Together.
1. Welcome Back to District Twelve

Iridescent

I stared out of the train windows, watching the greenery pass me by. This was a high speed Capitol train, averaging 250 miles per hour. I glanced hopefully at the approaching mountains that used to be called Appalachia, taking this as a sign we were nearing District Twelve.

I had been kept in the Capitol for three months after Katniss shot President Coin. I was being treated for my burns, yes, but mostly for hijacking treatment. Dr. Aurelius used all different kinds of methods for my therapy but most of it was me writing letters to everyone I knew, even people who had passed away during the course of the war. The majority of them were to Katniss, however the mood of them changed with the day.

"_Dear Katniss,_

_I love and miss you. I hope I'm coming back soon._

_Yours always,  
Peeta."_

"Katniss,

_You are an evil mutt! How could you kill all those people?  
I loathe you,  
Peeta."_

Dr. Aurelius was still impressed by my progress though. We played Real or Not Real everyday. Sometimes, he would show me footage of the Games and how Katniss saved my life on many occasions. He did tell me to avoid Katniss on days when I was feeling low to ensure her safety. I still hadn't sorted out my feelings for her. I'm constantly drawn to her, and let's admit it, she plagues my thoughts all day. Whether they are of me holding and kissing her and telling her how much she means to me, or I am wringing her neck, I still think of her. She means a lot to me, real or not real? Most certainly real.

My ponderings were interrupted when the train came to a stop. I grabbed my small amount of luggage and stepped off.

I was in the Victor's Village. The houses were still sturdy, being the only place untouched by the bombs. I noticed Haymitch's house, still with an abandoned air to it, and one down from his was Katniss's. The window was open and I saw her, on her rocking chair, gazing out at the woods. I felt a pang of sadness. Why was she living like that? Cooped up in a house when she is most alive outdoors? I had to remind myself I didn't care anymore.

I turned the doorknob of my house and stepped inside. It was the exact way I left it before the Quarter Quell. My leather shoes just outside the front door and my jacket hung on a hanger made of brass. Unfortunately, my jacket smelled just like Katniss – pine and flowers- from all those times I held her. I made a mental note to wash it as soon as I could.

I walked up the stairs to my bedroom and shut the door behind me. I collapsed on my bed, tired, but knowing I would not get a wink of sleep due to my entourage of nightmares. Night was usually the time that the venom overtook me. My dreams were plagued with horrifying images that were not real. Tonight was no exception.

Katniss and I were standing in my bedroom. Her hands were on my hips, my arms slung on her neck, caressing her. We were kissing desperately, our tongues exploring each others mouths as the kisses deepened. She began tugging at the waistband of my pants and I was about to unbutton her shirt when she stuck a knife to my throat. I keeled over and fell on the floor. Dead.

Not real. Not real. Not real. Not real. Those two words were all I could think of when I came to, paralyzed with terror. My eyes were wide open and tears were rimming my pupils. I was sweating like a pig and I headed down the stairs to my art room. Before I knew it, I was armed with a paintbrush and paper and began to create a picture. Of Katniss. In this picture, she was not a ravaging mutt bent on killing me. She was not evil. She was not a mockingjay. She was iridescent in a beautiful flaming dress.


	2. Primroses

The sun was beating down on my back as I planted evening primroses along the side of Katniss's house. This morning, I felt like I needed to make it up to Prim for what happened to her. A memorial, of sorts. I hoped Katniss appreciated it, me butting into her garden but somehow I thought she wouldn't mind.

"You're back," Katniss said, startling me. This was the first sentence she had said to me since the war ended.

"Dr. Aurelius wouldn't let me leave the Capitol until yesterday," I explained. "By the wau, he said to tell you he can't keep pretending he's treating you forever. You have to pick up the phone." Bushes were heaped up in a wheelbarrow behind me, I had been working for two hours.

"What are you doing?" She asked me, with her trademark scowl on her face. Obviously she hadn't picked up that this was a memorial for Prim. Katniss didn't look well – she had a thin, sallow look about her that I hadn't seen in her except for when her family was starving. Her hair was matted and she was dressed in her hunting gear.

"I thought we could plant these along the side of the house. For her," I dared not to say Prim's name. Mixed emotions showed on her face. First, disbelief, then anger, then something I could explain as admiration. She didn't respond, but gave me a nod of assent and headed inside.

I kept working hard until I heard a crash inside Katniss's house. I didn't go in because I didn't think I had a place in Katniss's life anymore. I kept burying myself in work for another hour then went home.

After having a quiet dinner, I heard a knock on my door. Hoping and praying at the same time that it was Katniss, I saw Haymitch staring at my face.

"Good to see you, Loverboy," He said, shaking my hand. "She's doing alright."

Why did he immediately assume I was going to ask about Katniss? Were my intentions clear? I didn't love her, I was over her, or was I? I just gave him a nod of assent then added, "Good to see you too."

"Ya know, I think ever since her little primrose died, she kind of has become closed off," He continued, "I don't think she wants to live in reality. We're more alike than you think. That is me and her," Haymitch said. I nodded. I did say that in our first Games. Real or not real? Real.

"Well, good to see you, Loverboy. I am going to return to my house and my geese and maybe a bit of liquor," He added, winking then stepped outside.

I felt more alone than ever. I had no one. My family, my friends, and the Capitol took my brain away. I had no one. I was on my own. Forever. That is when I realized my hard grip on the chair in my kitchen, my knuckles white, beads of sweet trinkling down my forehead. Images flashed by of Katniss, a ravenous mutt, devouring my flesh after I died. Her teeth sunk into my neck, blood spurting everywhere. Not real. Not real. Not real.

I remained like that for a few minutes, then I felt my grip loosening, the images dying down. I sat down at my kitchen table and slowly sipped a glass of water. My shirt clung to me with sweat and after that, I headed to bed.

I didn't fall asleep. I was too afraid to. I ended up pacing around my room with the lights still shining, trying to clear my thoughts. What was true and what was not. The only question I didn't have the answer to was: I love Katniss. Real or not real?


	3. Cheese Buns

The train from the Capitol with all our supplies came. I now had all my baking ingredients back. As soon as I got back, I headed to my kitchen and began making cheese buns. Oh, how can so many memories be a part of one simple recipe? Cheese buns. I gave them to Katniss when she was hurt, they were Katniss's favorite recipe of mine, my dad taught me how to make them the day I first saw Katniss. Before I knew it, quiet tears were strolling down my face. I tried to collect myself, but the stream was continuing. Maybe it was because I missed the old times, when I was so sure of myself and of my feelings. Now, I was just a confused mess who didn't even know who he was. But, I trudged on with my recipe with clumsy movements. Perhaps baking could become some sort of therapy for me.

As soon as I was finished, I placed the steaming cheese buns on a tray and headed outside. Despite my somewhat dreary mood, the day was promising, warm, and joyful. What month was it? June, I remembered. I walked the short distance to Katniss's house and placed the cheese buns on the front doorstep with a note.

_Katniss,_

_Made you these cheesebuns. I still remember that these are your favorites. Enjoy._

_P_

I hoped she would enjoy them and find it in her heart to forgive me. I have wronged her. Trying to kill her and just being a pain to be around. I _do _want to mend my relationship with Katniss. Because, deep down in the abyss of my soul, I know that there is a small place that still holds my original feelings for her. Love. When I was younger, I held Katniss on a pedestal and thought of her as being a perfect human being, doing no wrong. Once I got to know her, I saw her flaws – obstinate, reserved, unforgiving, even a little selfish at times – but I loved her the same. I accepted her. And I hope I can do that again.

I went to bed that night, feeling a bit more at peace with myself. I hope those cheesebuns made her realize I haven't completely shut her out. But, that night, I heard her screaming. Nightmares, I knew. I could hear from her wails that she was crying, sobbing for some reason. I could make out one sentence:

"No – Prim, don't go, I'm so sorry!"

Katniss still felt guilty for Prim's death. I knew that hit her hard. I talked to Haymitch and she still hasn't left the house since she came back. Just then, a thought came to me. We are broken, yes. We won't fully recover, yes. But perhaps we could pick up the broken pieces we call our lives and help each other heal. Together? Together.


End file.
